let the light inside shine from the inside out

I've always struggled to think of myself as worth anything much. It's not just a matter of depressive personality, even though I've struggled with that from time to time; it's just my fundamental view of myself. I look at other people and think how interesting and wonderful they are, and then I look at myself and somehow have this perception that no one would find me as interesting and wonderful as I find them. Anyway, this is more personal than I've been here in a long time, but I want to record it because I realised something recently, and it's coming out of the new theology I'm embracing. My usual thoughts are along the lines of "who am I to think I could change the world?" My realisation is more along the lines of, "who am I to think I can't, or shouldn't, change the world?"

I mean, this is why I'm here on earth. This is why I, and not someone else, exist in my position, at this time in history, with my experiences, history, personality and passions. Who am I to be less than myself; less than what God created me to be?

I'm reminded of the Nelson Mandela quote:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God; your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
NELSON MANDELA, inaugural speech, 1994

The thing I struggle with most is talking about myself, because I feel so inadequate doing it. Who am I? My story isn't interesting, let alone important. So I'm going to have to learn to talk about myself. To value who I am, and what I've done, and what I'm doing. To grasp it with both hands. Almost as if it's my life's work or something. ;)

Can't promise an overnight change. But hopefully it'll happen.

Now it's time to listen
Now it's time to meet
Your soul
This is it, it's time to meet your soul
Your crying soul
This is your soul
Set free your soul

This is it, set it free
And let the light inside
Shine from the inside out
Oh let the light inside
Shine from the inside out
Let the light inside
Shine from the inside out
-- Hothouse Flowers "This is it (Your Soul)"